dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
