she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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