I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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