is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
