what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
