o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
