its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
