I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
