Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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