There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
