She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
