i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
