Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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