everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
