Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
