haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just cut my nipple shaving
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i out mim tonsoeep
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