im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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