how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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