i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize