8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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