they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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