I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
