I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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