if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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