I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
