It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
