so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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