my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
