is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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