when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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