I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
