Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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