her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize