Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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