he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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