I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
