I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
