do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
