I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
