i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize