Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
