Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
