My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This is my gift to your gina
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
