And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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