Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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