I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Houston, we have a squirter
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
