I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
