ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
