Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
