dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
