I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize