I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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