im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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