I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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