it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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