I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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