dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
