Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
