I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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