It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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