Yo dont text me then not text me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
