There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
