Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize