I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
