oh god the rape fog is back!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
