ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
