Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize