I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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