My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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