we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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