you win again, gameday.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
