I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
