One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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