Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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