youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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