Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
