weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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