We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
