We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
