you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
