mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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