I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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