I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
