Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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