U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so let's talk penis.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
