Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
