There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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