Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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