Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
