It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
