Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
