brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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