I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
