your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
