I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
