My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
