Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will be naked everywhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
