You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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