I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize